A IS FOR ANTHRAX: #4 in a series of pop culture primers

by Kevin on

The latest Abecedarium comes from writer/heavy-metal fan Rebecca Rogers Maher. 


She notes: “This is by no means a representative sample of heavy metal bands. It’s just an alphabetical list of bands I like, or hate, or could make a rhyme with.” 

A is for ANTHRAX. They bring the noise. 

B’s for BON JOVI: Rich Jersey Boys

C’s for CHEVELLE, who send pain below

D is for DANZIG: Short guy on a throne




E is for EXODUS: Godfathers of thrash

F’s FAITH NO MORE: They think Wolfmother’s trash

 G’s GUNS N’ ROSES: Rage-sprung from the 80’s

H is for HEART, representing the ladies

I’s IRON MAIDEN, with dragons and gods

J’s Judas Priest, and their leather-clad bods

K is for KINGHORSE: fusing metal and punk

L, LIVING COLOUR: Same thing, but with funk

M, MEGADETH: Dave Mustaine’s a mad genius

N’s for TED NUGENT, obsessed with his penis

O’s OVERKILL, and their skullcrushing preening

P is for PUSCIFER.  All hail Maynard James Keenan! 

Q is for QUEENSRYCHE and their heartrending wails


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A is for AUTOMAN: #3 in a series of pop culture primers

by Kevin on


A is for AUTOMAN, A.I. super-cop


B is BEYOND WESTWORLD, T.V. spin-off flop


C’s CAPTAIN CAVEMAN, who somehow got laid


D’s for DARK SHADOWS, doomed to be re-made



E’s ELECTRA WOMAN, her theme song’s sublime


F is for FUTURE COP, with Ernest Borgnine


G’s GODZILLA series gave us “Godzooky”


H is HOLMES AND YO-YO, robot-cop dookie


I is for ISIS, both sexy and chaste


J is for JOSIE, beat Scooby to Space


K is KNIGHT RIDER, the Hoff’s finest hour


L’s LAND OF GIANTS, huge prop plants and flowers


M is for MANIMAL, transforms with a Grrrr-ing


N’s for THE NEW PEOPLE, pilot penned by Serling


O is for ORKO, not seen in the movie


P’s for THE PRISONER, that remake’s a doozy


Q is for QUARK with a laugh-track in space


R’s for RED DWARF, introduced a cat-race


S is SPACE ’99, so very 70’s


T is for THUNDARR, finally on DVDs 


U is for ULTRAMAN, where monsters were beaten


Of course V is for V, where hamsters got eaten


W’s THE WIZARD lasted one season


And X is for XENA, filmed in New Zealand


Y is YOGI’S SPACE RACE, another Star Wars cash-in


Z is this ZORRO show, futuristic re-hashin’
Look for another pop culture abecedarium next week. 

note: a version of this poem appeared at the excellent SFSignal.


Related posts: 

A IS FOR ALIEN: #1 in the series (with a focus on killers from horror movies of the 1970’s and 80’s) 

A IS FOR ANAKIN: #2 in the series of pop culture primers (characters from Science-Fiction films)


A IS FOR ANTHRAX A survey of heavy metal (written by my wife)

A IS FOR AEON A guide to cartoons


A IS FOR ANDRE: Wrestling, natch


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3 PEANUTS parodies that I like more than the JAWS one

by Kevin on

Because I’m a JAWS scholar and shark geek, a number of people have shared Charles Forsman’s mash-up (of JAWS re-told with the Peanuts gang) with me.

You might think I didn’t like it because I’m some kind of a JAWS nut.  
But honestly, I thought it missed the mark when it came to the Peanuts characters.  I have to give credit to Forsman for drawing spot-on character designs in the style of Schulz.  But the strip didn’t connect the dots between Charlie Brown, Chief Brody, Hooper, Linus, Quint, Mayor Vaughn, etc. 
So it’s not that I’m a JAWS nut, so much as a big PEANUTS fan. I find the early strips groundbreaking and influential and as important to American literature as The Great Gatsby or Of Mice and Men. Seriously. 
However, I come not to bury Peanuts parodies, but to praise them.  
So here are three faux-Peanuts strips that I adore. 
First off, buy R. Sikoryak’s MASTERPIECE COMICS.  You can get it here cheap. Sikoryak commits to a concept without going to easy jokes.  This collection is brilliant and beautifully illustrated. One of the stand-outs is his “Good Ol’ Gregor Brown” where Kafka’s Metamorphosis is re-told with the Peanuts cast.  This was presented as a slideshow at Kevin Geeks Out (during a “Holiday Grab Bag” show) — and it killed.  Buy this book for yourself and get another one for your favorite English teacher. 
(this is just an excerpt, buy the book to read the rest)
Sikoryak’s strip is so cool that one fan even went and got it as a tattoo.  The only thing sexier than a Charlie Brown tattoo is Kafka-Peanuts body-art!
Second, MAD Magazine did a 1968 strip titled “Will Success Spoil Charlie Brown?” where Shermy returns to the old neighborhood and sees how the commercial success of PEANUTS has changed everyone.  
As a kid, I didn’t realize it was a parody of “Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?” but I still got the jokes and loved seeing Charlie Brown in a toupee. 
I could not find this online. Sorry. 
But you can find plenty of other great MAD parodies.  Here’s a list of the dozens and dozens that ran over the years. 
Third, Ted Rall’s “Supply Side Lucy”
This 1996 one-panel gag is, sadly, still true today.  Check out more Ted Rall. He’s a daring writer and he always challenges himself to do something different with each book — whether it’s a comics collection, narrative graphic novel or even his fantastic post-modern take on George Orwell’s 1984. 
Do you have a favorite PEANUTS parody/homage?  Tell me about it in the comments. 
RELATED POSTS: 
JAWS vs. SHARK NIGHT the two types of shark-movie posters
Horror movie characters: A-Z
Kevin and Matt Geek Out about Shark Cinema
Deleted Scene from Kevin and Matt Geek Out about Shark Cinema

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THE FUTURE IS THE INTERNET: a true subway story

by Kevin on

You know how certain kinds of films, television shows and stage plays will present a pandering, romanticized view of a homeless person, showing a rattily-dressed but wise old man whose simple words put middle-class problems into perspective.
As much as I love the The Clash’s lyirc about how “the truth is only known by guttersnipes” I’d never had one of these magical encounters.
Until today.
I transferred onto the E-train at Canal Street and I was immediately bowled over by the stench of cheap whiskey at 9:55 in the morning.  I looked up and saw a shabbily-dressed middle-aged man with dreadlocks, drinking brown liquor from a Poland Spring bottle.
Guy: What you reading?
Me: RETROMANIA.
Guy: What’s that about?
Me: How our culture is obsessed with its own past.
Guy: Like China and Kung-Fu movies.
Me: I haven’t gotten to that part yet.
Guy: (smiling) Maybe it won’t be in the book.  But China makes a lot of Kung-Fu movies.  Kung-Fu is very important to China’s history.  It was the Kung-Fu masters that freed China. 
He went on about Kung Fu for a few minutes.  I was standing about 6 inches away from him, but everyone else kept their distance. Still, I got the impression they were watching/listening to this conversation.  It’s the closest I’ve come to having a true Socratic Dialogue.  I wish the train ride would last longer, because this was really getting good.
Guy: (more about how Kung-Fu saved China)
ME: I didn’t know that.
GUY: Kung Fu is very important.
Me: Mmm.
The train pulled into the next stop and the doors opened at Spring Street, where I exited.
Me: (to my new friend) Take it easy.
Just before I left the guy looked at me, pointed and shouted one last thing.  He was dead serious, but also joking.  
Guy: THE FUTURE IS THE INTERNET!
I exited the train, and then came up with a good response after it was too late.
“That’s the one thing Kug-Fu can’t save us from.”

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Freelancer’s Company Picnic

by Kevin on



NOTE: THIS EVENT HAS BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO BAD WEATHER AND LATE CAPITALISM.  CHECK BACK FOR THE RESCHEDULED PICNIC.  




After the success of the FREELANCER’S CHRISTMAS PARTY, I’m having a follow-up…

THE FREELANCER’S COMPANY PICNIC







Since you won’t be invited to a legit company picnic, come to mine and hang out with fellow freelancers, permalancers, consultants, temps, project-based employees and other people who don’t get sick days.


As a kid, I always loved going to the Proctor & Gamble Company Picnic.  (previously written about here.)


Today most companies don’t do these things anymore, but like everything else, it’s up to the independent workers to take care of themselves (and each other.)




WHERE: GOVERNOR’S ISLAND (by the parade grounds)


WHEN: This Sunday, August 14th,  11:30 AM – 4:00 PM


HOW: Follow this link for a Ferry schedule.  Boats leave from Brooklyn and Manhattan.  It’s free.


note: you don’t have to be a freelancer to come, but that’s the theme.  (It sounds better than “ice cream social of the unemployables”)


Join us for a delightful afternoon, which is sure to include fun and games, bitching about the economy, and maybe even some networking.  I expect there’ll be some web-people, filmmakers, graphic designers, writers, editors, producers, educators, and of course it wouldn’t be a freelance jamboree without plenty of bloggers. Feel free to live-tweet the event.  #FreelanceCompanyPicnic  (I’m kidding.) 


The same way you have to buy your own health insurance, you’ll have to buy your own food.  (What do I look like, I’m made of money?)   There are a number of food trucks on Governor’s Island, as well as a Water Taxi Beach.  Or you could save money and bring your own food.  Or perhaps a tray of snacks to share with the other party-goers.


Also, you should bring bottled water, since the Island’s water is non-potable.  (Again, water and other beverages are sold throughout the island.)


While visiting Governor’s Island you can take advantage of the free kayaks, free tram tours, free mini-golf, and bike rentals (this costs money, but it’s worth it.)


I’ll also bring some games and activities.


Like any good company picnic — KIDS ARE WELCOME.




So look for me at the parade grounds, I’ll put some blankets down under the trees.


Eat, drink and have a new view of the New York skyline.


And mingle with a group of good-lookin’, talented, underpaid, independent contractors from MTV Networks, Rainbow Media, TV One and a handful of other shady fly-by-night companies.


*    *    * 


Kevin Maher is a freelance comedy writer and producer.  He hosts the nerdy variety show “Kevin Geeks Out” and other important cultural events.  

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The real ELECTRIC BANANA

by Kevin on

Driving back from visiting my parents (who retired to Maryland), I passed a beach shop called The Electric Banana.

I wondered aloud if it were a reference to Spinal Tap** (Fans will remember “The Electric Banana” is the club where director Marti Di Bergi first saw the band.)  Neither my wife, my 6-year old son or my 3-year old son could say. 

Just today I was telling a nerdy friend about this place, and again I wondered if the name was a nod to Tap. 

So I called the store and asked. The clerk said “It’s just a funny name, that an electric banana is funny, they wanted a funny name and electric banana is funny.” 

Of course he’s right, it IS funny.  But was there more to the story? 

I pressed him and discovered that he is not the owner. 

So I asked to speak with the owner.  I added “I’m a journalist” (which is kind of true, I suppose.) 

He put me on hold and said to call back in ten minutes. 

* * *   10 minutes later   * * * 
I called back. 

CLERK: The Electric Banana. 

ME: Hi, I’m the guy who called about the store name. 

CLERK: Hold on. 

OWNER: Hello. 

ME: Hi, I was calling to find out where you got the name of your store. 

OWNER: It was wacky name I thought of, 15 years ago. 

ME: Really?  Because it’s also a joke in Spinal Tap. 

OWNER: Is it? 

ME: Yeah.  

(In 15 years, I’m the first person to bring this to his attention!?) 

OWNER: No, it had nothing to do with that, I was just sitting somewhere in Ocean City with my friend,  trying to think up a name for the store and some girls were listening in and they became interested and said `how about THE ELECTRIC APPLE’ and I said `no, the ELECTRIC BANANA’!

ME: Okay.  Thanks. 


Kind of surprising.  And disappointing. 

But here’s something to cheer you up: 

There’s restaurant in New Brunswick, NJ called THE FROG & PEACH — a successful establishment that REALLY DID take its name from the hilarious Peter Cook & Dudley Moore sketch about a horrible restaurant called “The Frog & Peach”.  (Although their menu does not include the infamous “frog a la peach” or the disgusting “peach a la frog.”) 


POST-SCRIPT: 
Upon writing this, I learned that there really was a Pittsburg Nightclub called THE ELECTRIC BANANA — and it’s also lyric in Donovan’s 1966 hit “Mello Yellow”.  

My friend Noah Tarnow, the famed Quizmaster, told me Donovan’s cryptic reference to the electro-fruit  “prompted a lot of people to think the song was about smoking banana peels. Donovan denied this (you can’t even get high that way), but eventually admitted that “electrical banana” refers to a vibrator.”

Curiously, the wonderful National Lampoon Album GOODBYE POP featured some excellent parodies by Christopher Guest and Tony Scheuren. One of his songs the liner notes mention, “should have been on the album, but isn’t” was a Donovan parody titled “Nirvana Banana.”  See — it always goes back to comedy-songs. 
Click HERE to buy a T-shirt based on the fake club from the movie. 

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A is for ANAKIN: #2 in a series of pop culture primers

by Kevin on

A is for ANAKIN, born on Tattooine

B’s for BARBARELLA, the Galaxy’s Queen

C is for CAESER, who brought humans down

D is for DIM, not as dumb as he sounds




E is for EDGAR, a loving machine

F’s FRANK N. FURTER, a different space queen

G is for GOR, invoking great terror

H is for H.A.L., who blames human error

I is for IRULAN, Spice Girl acquired

J is for JONATHAN, he won’t retire

K is for KHAN, a villainous nutter

L’s for LOGAN, boned Jenny Agutter

M is for MARVIN, so gloomy and pensive

N is for NADA, whose fights are extensive

O’s for OCTAVIOUS, sinister gent

P is for PRIS, seductive replicant

Q is for QUI-GON, who battled battalions

R is for RUFUS who saves WYLD STALLYNS

S is for SNAKE, sabotaged mankind’s future

T is for TRON, lives inside a computer

U is for URSUS, upholds all Ape Laws

V is for VOLTAR, kidnapped Santa Claus

W’s for WEZ, an Aussie road baddie

X is for XTRO, he’s just like his Daddy

Y is for YOR, he’s so brave, blonde and buff

Z is for ZED, makes red diapers look tough


Look for another pop culture abecedarium next week. 

note: a version of this poem appeared at the excellent SFSignal.


Related posts: 

A IS FOR ALIEN: #1 in a series of pop culture primer (with a focus on killers from horror movies of the 1970’s and 80’s) 

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APES movie during SHARK WEEK

by Kevin on

It just occurred to me that the new PLANET OF THE APES movie opens during SHARK WEEK.

Those are two of my favorite sub-genres.  
To honor the occasion, I want to tell you about A*P*E (1976)
This American-Korean co-production was rushed-out to cash-in on KONG FEVER that was brewing around Dino De Laurentiis’s big-budget remake of KING KONG.

A*P*E (which isn’t an actual acronym, maybe they were additionally trying to capitalize on M*A*S*H*-fever) was produced by Jack H. Harris (whose credits include some cult favorites including The Blob and Dark Star).

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