Last night I finally got to see SHARK NIGHT.  My friend Ritch Duncan and I saw it at the 42nd Street E-Walk in PRX, in a 500-seat theater with leather seats.  We paid $19.50.  Each.

Yes, that’s almost 20 bucks on the shark movie that the A.V. Club rated an “F”.  I should not be allowed out of the house with money.

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One character in SHARK NIGHT 3D reveals that his email address is Gordon79.  So presumably he’s a 32-year-old college student.

Or it could be the script was written 12 years ago.  That might make sense, because one of the characters is described as being good at making “mix tapes” — not iTunes playlists, MIX TAPES.

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One guy walked out of the theater during the movie.  Maybe he was expecting SHARK KNIGHT 3-D?

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Whether you see SHARK NIGHT in 2D or 3D, the characters are still in 1D.

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There’s no nudity in the film.  Except a guy’s butt.  And it seems to wink at the camera.

There are lots of long, drawn-out sequences where we see the kids driving and boating.  Each of those minutes was probably added to pad the film’s 82 minutes.  I’m guessing they needed to add footage after cutting all the good sex and violence that was cut out to get the PG-13 rating.

Even then, during one God-awful sequence, Ritch observed “A 13-year-old shouldn’t be watching this.”

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After the movie ends, there’s an old-school plot-summary rap video performed by the movies characters. (a la WILDCATS, TAPEHEADS, LEPRECHAUN 5, etc.)  The song is performed by characters who have since died.  And they rap about being dead.

Just like William Holden’s character in SUNSET BOULEVARD.

At some point, the actors probably expected this was going to play during the credits, not AFTER the credits.

When it came one, Ritch and I were the only ones left in the theater.

“No one’s going to believe us,” I said.

Also, I’m betting the critics who panned SHARK NIGHT didn’t stick around for the credits.

If they had, they mighta been a little more sympathetic.

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Related links:

JAWS vs. SHARK NIGHT (a look at the two types of shark movie posters)

Kevin and Matt Geek Out About Shark Cinema