8 Great Horror Movies You’ve Never Heard of (But I Have, Because I’m Better Than You) [***A PARODY***]

by Kevin on

Looking for some scary movies this Halloween? Horror Hound Kevin Maher rounds up some of the most obscure films you’ve never heard of, because you don’t know anything. 

DEAD SNOW

Zombies are quickly spreading in the mainstream media. And yet no one’s heard of this German gore-fest. It’s an instant cult-classic!

 THE GATE

Lovers of old movies will love this campy, tongue-in-cheek tribute to scary cinema.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 3: LEATHER-FACE

Everybody knows the 2003 horror flick, but did you know that was a remake?!  And the original cult classic had not one, but TWO sequels. I did.

 

SESSION 9

I don’t know much about this film, but my friend Tim said most people just skim these types of articles so don’t worry about the descriptions.

THE CARNIVAL OF SOULS

This black-and-white baby borrows heavily from George R. Romero’s cult classic NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD but still has some serious scares.  


THE EYE

This is a wholly original tale of super-natural suspense staring super-hottie Jessica Alba. I haven’t seen this one, but I came across it on imdb. 

SUSPIRSIA

The ultimate cult classic where an American girl uncovers evil at a boarding school.  In true Euro-horror style, the viewer is left to decide if the whole experience was just in her imagination.

PUMPKINHEAD

Admit it: you didn’t know about this one, either. I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard of it. Not like you.
        * * * 
Ha ha, get it? 
Man, I hate those list-articles that pop up this time of year. 
But seriously, if you want to see a fun show, come to KEVIN GEEKS OUT: ALL ABOUT EVIL at the Alamo Drafthouse. Get tickets here. 
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KEVIN GEEKS OUT: ALL ABOUT EVIL

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Comedian Rusty Ward
Filmmaker Matthew Glasson
Cult movie blogger Tenebrous Kate
Variety Show host Tom Blunt

and your host, Kevin Maher

Get tickets here.

4 comments

  3. Kevin Maher

    Thanks Maria — the article is a parody of sloppy blogging, so it's filled with typos, factual errors and lazy writing (overuse of the phrase "cult classic", etc.)